i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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