i was born a porn star she said
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
