is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
