new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize