So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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