he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
