piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
