i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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