I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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