I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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