I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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