i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize