Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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