Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Be still, my beating vagina.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize