OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
