I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
