Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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