I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize