Already got asked if we're dating
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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