Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
