When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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