You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
