did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
