just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
