They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
