I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize