we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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