If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize