I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
