I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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