I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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