he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
