I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
