Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize