i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize