He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize