he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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