Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
