I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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