i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
