If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
