Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
