How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
