I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
