Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
