I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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