Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
