dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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