I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
