Will you blow on my dice?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My ass is underappreciated
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
