Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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