why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
