There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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