How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
