I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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