Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
