Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
