If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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