im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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