Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Acid is not a monday night drug
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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