Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
