ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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