letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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