what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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