Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
