He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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