considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
